"Write Dirty To Us" Holiday Erotica Contest

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Female Fantasy and Sexual Positions Survey

It's sexuality survey time!

Thank you to those who have participated in the past. Your contribution has helped people to better understand each other, experience adventure, fun, communication, and connection with their lovers.

My books are unique in that they include creative scenarios, easy to follow techniques, sex facts, great pictures and illustrations, and notes from a Sex Coach.

But not everyone who reads my books knows that there is actually a lot of research involved. Generous people such as yourself have contributed to survey that turned out to be a best selling book. Both oral sex books are doing very well, but Oral Sex He'll Never Forget made it on Amazon's top 500. This is a real honor to any author.

I have another opportunity for participation in this female fantasy and sexual positions survey. The information will be a part of a sexuality book to be published in March 2011.

Your responses are completely anonymous and no one, not even myself, knows who responded to the survey. However, if you would like to be recognized in the acknowledgments, please send me an email to Dr.Sonia@TheHappyEndingsCompany.com

Again, my sincere thanks.

Much love and all the best to a healthy and happy sexuality,

Dr. Sonia Borg, Ph.D., M.P.H., M.A.
Certified as a Clinical Sexologist by the
American College of Sexologists


Click here to take survey

p.s. This survey is for women. If you are not a man, please send this to one you know. If you are a man and would like to participate in the man's survey, please email me.

The Wicked Tongue Game-7 Questions With Dr. Sonia

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What does sex mean to you?

One of the first things we learn in sex school is that sex is just sex. We as human beings, add our own meaning to the word. Words are just symbols. The string of letters S-E-X form a word that we add our own meaning to, just as we add our own meaning to the act.

Sex means different things to different people. The meaning is developed over the years based on belief, attitude, values, experiences, and those who are most influential to us (parents, clergy, teachers, peers, significant others, etc.). What does sex currently mean to you? What does sex currently mean your partner? Is there a difference or a gap in the meaning? What would you like sex to mean or be like?

Discovering an individuals meaning of sex, is the first place I start in discovering how and where begin working with clients. Good new is that our meaning of sex can change and it should. All of us are all the product of the same collective sex negative culture, and most of us are oblivious to it. It's confusing, I know. But once we see our blind spots, we can make different choices and have the kind and quality of sex we want!

Do 80% of women really "fake it?" Commentary on MSNBC story..



I found the story featured in MSNBC, titled: Sorry guys: 80% of women fake it, to be rather disturbing, to say the least. To start the data, facts, or statistics were often not reported. Even further, the information was not presented accurately or even fairly. It put a negative spin on women's sexuality without even attempting understanding women or even sex for that matter. The story is sensational, for sure. But, this is MSNBC folks. Many people get their sex education from the media and this is what they see as their “truth.”

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38006774/ns/health-sexual_health/



First, let me clarify that “faking” an orgasm is not the way. How can we expect to be good lovers to ourselves or to another by faking “orgasm?” But this story is not about whether or not women are faking orgasm, it’s about whether or not we are being manipulative by saying “ohmigod” and other sounds during sex, when it’s not part of orgasm, but rather as a way to manipulate.

The author of the article starts off saying the following:
While I was envious at the time[story of a woman moaning], now it seems that all her ecstatic vocals might have been just the female equivalent of “Your butt looks great in those jeans, Babe. Honest.”

Actually, the female equivalent would be like a woman saying, “I love your cock,” when she loves nothing about it. A comment like this serves no one because anyone, man or woman, can see right through dishonesty. Consciously or unconsciously theses statements register as a character trait rather than a behavior. A lack of trust between partners is one of the quickest ways to ruin a sexual relationship.

Now, let’s get to why I don’t really like the story. Here is an excerpt:

A study released last month in the Archives of Sexual Behavior shows that those seemingly uncontrollable “ohmigods” during apparent orgasm are often play-acting meant to “manipulate”

I think the real example is more like smiling when you are not authentically happy. We have all smiled when we were nervous or for other reasons. I would agree that it is not authentic, but are we manipulating?

The scientists, Gayle Brewer of the University of Central Lancashire and Colin Hendrie of the University of Leeds, asked 71 women between the ages of 18 and 48 a series of questions. They broke down the vocalizations into categories that included “silence,” “moan/groan,” “scream/shriek/squeal,” “words” (such as “Yes!” or the partner’s name, and “instructional commands” like “more.” Other questions asked why the women made the vocalizations and at what point they themselves had an orgasm, if they had an orgasm at all, and, if not, why they were doing all that shouting. Well, it turned out that “women were making conscious vocalizations in order to influence their partner rather than as a direct expression of sexual arousal,” Brewer told me.

It is normal and even desirable to say something to that we know will increase pleasure for our partners. For example, let’s pretend that a lover likes to be dirty to and called a “slut” during intercourse. In fact, you know this and can say that exactly at the right time to bring her over the top. You may not become aroused from speaking the words, but watching what it does to her gives you enormous pleasure. In fact, it gives you so much pleasure to watch her respond to your words, you climax yourself.

The other consideration, is that a woman, might even be fueling her own fantasy, or “manipulating” her own sexual response. Isn’t that what we do (manipulate) when we masturbate?

So, I don’t see it as manipulation at all or even “faking it.” I see sex more like a dance, a sport, or some other artful endeavor where we are moving together in the moment and experimenting with partners.

Well, it turned out that “women were making conscious vocalizations in order to influence their partner rather than as a direct expression of sexual arousal,” . . .
A study released last month in the Archives of Sexual Behavior shows that those seemingly uncontrollable “ohmigods” during apparent orgasm are often play-acting meant to “manipulate” men.

If she was manipulating, she would be trying to get something. She might have been trying to “get him” to spend more time right THERE or letting him know that’s where she likes it. Like, right there on the clitoris “ohmigod.” Rather than being straight forward and directive:, “More right, give me more right. Okay, now give me some left.” Or, “Why the fuck are you doing THAT!”

For example, “women reported using these vocalizations to ‘speed up’ their partner’s ejaculation due to boredom, fatigue, discomfort, time limitations,” Brewer said.

This sounds so sex negative. I would see these women as more of artful facilitators. Maybe we can celebrate her skills to know what to do and say, so they can have a quickie together, or HE can have an orgasm.

In other words, the sounds the women emitted were not because they were out-of-control excited. Indeed, when they were most excited, say during oral sex when they were more likely to have an orgasm, they didn’t do much of the old scream-n-shout.

This might be true. Keep in mind that oral sex is a different experience. During oral sex we are receiving and have a tendency to go more inward, which generally makes people more quiet. When we are engaged in intercourse, there is another person that we are exchanging energy, or dancing with. Or, there might be times when they felt more free to be expressive, like on vacation.

So, there is more that I don’t care for in this article, like the fact that there is a brief mention to the fact that men fake it too. But when men fake, it is because they are biological creatures and the behavior is evolutionary. Aren’t we all biological creatures and couldn’t our behavior be just as justified?

This behavior could have deep evolutionary roots. “We are biological creatures,” Muehlenhard said.

However, instead of fearing that you are inadequate and can’t please your partner, or female sexuality in general, establish more intimacy with her. Try pumping up your communication. Ask her to tell you when she is going to climax. Study her sexual response cycle. Watch her masturbate. Notice her body go from arousal to resolution. Turn on the lights and study her response cycle when you give her oral sex. Oral sex is great for this because you can see her, smell her, taste her, and feel her on your mouth.

More often than not, I find that women feel afraid and powerless sexually. They want to feel empowered and experience all that sex can do for them as individuals and with their partners. Sure, some women fake it and in the end they might discover that these behaviors don’t serve them.

The bigger question is not whether or not we fake it, but….why does anyone feel like they have to fake anything? Why wouldn’t being who we are be good enough?

The solution for both men and women is to radically accept and love ourselves unconditionally, wherever we are in life, is easier said than done. This is obviously our own individual responsibility.

When we can do this with ourselves, we can do it with another.. Does she feel like she can be who she is, as she is with you? Does she feel safe? We all want that from a partner, especially in the bedroom when we are at our most vulnerable.

When we can love an accept the real issue, we put light on it and when we put light on it, then and only then can the issue or problem truly go away. This is because we are not putting energy into covering something up or faking anything. We are being real.

If you really want to be a great lover, if you really want to have have amazing sex, start with radical acceptance of yourself and her. Men can help with creating that space, because in general you do it well and have more sexual experience (yes all that masturbating counts:)

There are many women waiting for a man they can trust and who will love them completely, so they can truly open up and give the best of herself in the bedroom and out.

Low Sexual Desire Part 2: Developing an Awareness

My primary objective is to talk about having an awareness for your sexual concerns. If we bring awareness to them, we bring light, and with light, we can begin to take steps to heal and create the life we want.

I generally do not use clinical terms when coaching clients because it’s easy to develop anxieties based on the language alone. On a conscious or subconscious level, most of us are already feeling like damaged goods in the sex department.

General Causes of Low Sexual Desire:
Please note that this is just a general guideline.
• Drugs/Medication
• Alcohol
• Poor Nutrition
• Hormonal Changes
• Illness
• Fatigue
• Stress
• Depression
• Poor Health
• Low Self-Esteem/Self-Image
• Poor Body Image
• Lack of Skills
• Lack of Education
• Sexual Guilt/Shame
• Sexual Abuse
• Conflict or Arguing
• Loss of Trust With Partner
• Change in Sexual Identity

Living with low sexual desire may not be a problem for an individual or a couple, especially if both partners are low desire. If it is a concern identified by you or your partner, there is help and there is something you can do.

I believe that if sexual desire is low, it may be an indication that there is an imbalance in the body….in our life. Whether or not people seek help, or balance usually depends on their values and priorities in life.

More on addressing the issue next....

Low Sexual Desire-What is it? Who does it affect?

A low sexual desire, or a desire gap between partners is the most common concern that I see from my clients.

Often times we take our sexual desire for granted, but when it's gone, it doesn't go unnoticed by individuals or their partners. It is often misunderstood, but not unnoticed.

How can we not notice? As energetic beings, our sexual energy, is an incredible life force. After all, it is the energy that creates life. The second Chakra, which is the center for our sexual energy, is also the epicenter of our creative energies, self-worth and emotions.

What is Low Sexual Desire?
Low sexual desire is simply described as an absence of sexual fantasies and desire for sexual activity.

Low sexual desire is usually categorized as: 1) Biological/Physical (hormonal changes). Hormonal shifts happen in both men and women and can affect our desire. 2) Emotional/Lifestyle (fatigue, overworking, stress). This is very common in women, but also men as well. 3) Relationship Issues (conflict and arguing). This is where most men tend to loose their desire. Many women don't realize that men need to feel connected to their lover in order to have sex.

Who Does it Affect?
Most people assume that it's women who would be the lower desire partner, but that isn't necessarily the case. Both men and women can experience low sexual desire at some point in their life. Unfortunately, we live in a culture that equates erections with masculinity. The cultural beliefs that men should be ready for sex at any given moment really sets us up for unreal expectations and makes it challenging for some men to seek help or even talk about it with their partners.

Stay tuned for more symptoms and approaches to healing a low sexual desire......

Sex Before the "I Do's"

It is a few hours before their wedding and the beautiful, blushing bride to be takes her man into a vacant room and gives him the best blowjob ever.

The groom returns to his groomsman and claims, “I am the luckiest man on the planet. I can look forward to a lifetime of great sex and blowjobs.”

The bride returns to her bridesmaids and declares, “Ladies, I just gave the last blowjob of my life.”

Men are terrified of a woman changing sexually when they become married. That’s why they make up jokes like this. It’s much easier to laugh about it, than cry.

My male clients tell me, “But she loved sex before I married her. We did it every night, and even in different rooms. Now I’m lucky if I get it once a month.” Or, "I remember blowjobs, when they were beginning to end. Now, it's the 30 second foreplay version. "

It is estimated that 15 to 20% of couples have sex no more than 10 times a year.

Why does this happen? How does this happen? How do I turn it around? Is it only men who have these concerns about women?

I will be discussing these very issues in the next few blogs. Stay tuned…..

Dr. Sonia's Cosmo interview: John Mayer, Being a Good in Bed, and Going Obtuse

I was interviewed by Cosmo. They wanted to know what John Mayer meant when he said:

“It’s about being obtuse with an angle. Then, I go up and over.”

I wasn't able to get in touch with John, but I'm sure he would appreciate the positions I prepared to add to his repertoire.

Getting into an Obtuse Angle (Assuming You are Not a Ballerina)
Gravity isn't always our friend, but when it comes to sexual positions, it can help us get depth. To get in the obtuse position, use that ugly chair that he loves and you hate to recline yourselves into a 90 degree angle. You may need to place a pillow in the gap of the chair so your body makes a straighter line.

If you don't have a reclining chair, no need to go out and buy one. Simply stack a bunch of pillows in a 90 degree slope against the headboard or up against the wall on the floor. Often times the floor, a firmer surface is best in maintaining balance and getting good leverage for him.

Carpeted stairs often work well too. Bring a pillow or two to put between steps and fill in gaps if needed.

The JM Special
He lays on top, facing her and pulls her bum into himself as he uses the footrest of the reclining ugly chair to push himself up and over. This position is really great for the woman who loves stimulation to the cervix and the man who likes depth.

The Sidewinder

Both he and she lays on their sides facing each other possibly resting on their elbows. The sidewinder is more like a dance and requires that the couple are in bodily sync. She provides resistance by firming up her body so he can push himself up and over. The sidewinder is great because not only is he achieving depth to the cervix and awakening some new angles and spots, their is easy access to her clitoris.

G-Force

She lays on her belly and he penetrates her from the rear. He can use the footrest or the floor to go up and over.

If you want more of the steam, and full on scenarios about going obtuse, check out my book "Positions He'll Never Forget."

Help! He Goes Soft When I Put on a Condom

It happens..... the condom enters the picture and he get's soft.

There are several reasons for this happening, but to start, don't take it personally. Sensitivity is lost while wearing a condom AND sensitivity could be lost with the THOUGHT of wearing a condom. You can show him a new way! The first approach would be to look to increasing arousal in a playful way. If you are currently participating in oral sex with your partner, you may want to try putting on a condom with your mouth.

Here are the simple steps on how to put on a condom with your mouth:

1. Put the condom in your mouth between your lips and teeth, with the tip toward the back of your throat. Hold it in place with the tip of your tongue.
2. Cover your teeth with your lips. Position the condom over the head of his penis with your lips.
3. Now slowly inch by inch unroll the condom over the head. Purse your lips for grip and imagine that they are your fingers to the base of his penis, pursing your lips .
4. When you get the condom over the head any point thereafter, you can use your hand to roll down to the base.
5. On your way up, provide suction. This move is called Sucking The Mango Fruit. When you get to the top, run your tongue over the head of the penis. The head is the most sensitive part of the penis for most men.

If he starts to get soft with the site of a condom, raise and stroke his balls. Take as much of the penis in your mouth as you can and repeat the sucking as you come up and twirling of the head of the penis as described above.

If you know your lover well, do what he likes to stimulate him. If you don't know what he likes, try mutual masturbation and ask him to articulate it out loud. Pay close attention. You are receiving a crash course in what he likes.

Remember, men love to be acknowledged too. Tell him all the things you love/like about him and how his penis.

If you want to know more about arousal and the entire scenario of putting on a condom with your mouth, see my book "Oral Sex He'll Never Forget."

More about arousal and fun scenarios including mutual masturbation, see "Positions He'll Never Forget."

More in the Yahoo article below:

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/when-a-condom-makes-him-limp-1753500/

The Slinging Dixie- Sex In the Car

Get his rod hot with you in the back seat, legs up in the air and wrapped in the on the go car sling. “The Slinging Dixie” is not the typical do it in the car, sex position. It involves seat belts and lots of outrageous variations that is sure to get you in that playful, adventurous space again.
Think back to the days when you had sex in a car. ……Are you smiling yet? To this day, smell of an old Volkswagon has me grinning from ear to ear. It was probably at a time when you had more time than money and the car was the best place to go. Kind of like a motel on wheels, only cheaper. But wasn’t there something really fun about the way you approached sex back then?

According to the Durex Global Sex Survey, the most common place for adults to have sex outside of the bedroom is in the car (50%).

Have you had sex in a car?

Naked Conversations

Come take off your clothes and lie here with me naked. Hold me tight. Press your bare chest against mine. Lay on top of me and let me feel you.

Naked without clothes, we are more alike than different, both of us with needs and feelings.

Naked without shields; I thought my shield would protect me from being hurt, but all it really kept me from was living my life fully and entirely. It kept me from sharing my open heart, the real me. It kept me from you.

Naked without time, we are in the moment. Let’s let go of control and our need to be right. Let’s flow and create a new experience that connects us.

Naked without the voice of reason, we are vulnerable with open hearts. Do you hear our hearts beating? They synched up and now the loudest sound in the room. Let this be our song, our guide. What does your heart say?

Most often people loose desire with their partner because of unresolved issues, not because they lost functionality. On the surface, it may appear that emotions or how we feel about the other person and ourselves has nothing to do with sex, but it has EVERYTHING to do with how we feel about the sex we are having.

As humans we follow patterns: cognitive, emotional, and physical. These patterns serve us in many ways and help us predict and make sense of the world around us. However, it doesn’t serve us when it limits our growth and we use the same pattern of conflict resolution over and over that never ever really worked in the first place.

Naked conversations is something I started with a lover and now offer to clients. Simply being Naked somehow helps people get down to what is important at a core level, be vulnerable, be honest and be real. And it is playfully fun. It has transformed the way I have important discussions. Please note that the above are not steps. There are no steps. It is just one woman’s account of the process.

If you’ve read any of my books, you will know that I share some courageous and outrageous ideas for fun and sexy adventures. I wholeheartedly believe that on the adventure, you will discover some things about yourself and your lover that you never, ever expected and experience a freedom that will expand your repertoire and the container of what is possible between you.

The same is true with resolving conflict. You can choose a different way.

Spectacular Sex Moves He'll Never Foget

With each new book I write, I think it was better than the one before it. I haven't gotten feedback from my readers yet, but I think my third book, "Spectacular Sex Moves He'll Never Forget" is my best work to date. It certainly was a lot of fun to write and practice. (A special thanks to the partnered volunteers).

Most importantly, I hope it brings lots of fun, connection, and big "o's" to you and your partner.

Enough about how much fun it was to write, you be the judge. Take a peek at the table of contents and let me know what you think.....

If you like it, you can be amongst the first to read it. Now taking Pre Orders! (see link on right)

HE’S ON TOP

The Slinging Dixie
Get his rod hot with you in the back seat, legs up in the air and wrapped in the on the go car sling (seatbelt).

Dinner for Two
With one swift swoop of the hand and without a second thought, push all those dishes off the table letting them land where they may. Replace the old conditioning whispers of “oh no, my floor” with “Hell yes! Give it to me now.”

Spring Fever
On the slide in your own backyard, lay on your back with legs spread open. He straddles your body on the slide. As he thrusts, you will slide down, allowing for deeper penetration. He can control depth by holding your position with his hands on your hips.

REAR ENTRY

Head Over Wheels
You lay on your stomach on a skateboard. After inserting his penis, he pulls you in from behind. Gliding intercourse—with no rug burn.

Mirror Images
Do it standing in front of a dresser mirror. Lean forward, putting your weight on your hands.

Flower Power
Give him the gift of penetration and the feeling of fullness. Being penetrated with a strap on requires special considerations and skills that you may not know about. Learn how.

SHE’S ON TOP

The Stimulus Plan
A little friction in your relationship? Grease up and wrestle your negative energies out naked. Lay him flat on his back and pin him down so he can’t get up as you grind your clitoris against his pelvic bone before you ride him.

Shoots and Ladders
He stands on the ground while you hold on to the ladder bending and controlling the depth of penetration hitting all the low and high notes.

SITTING

The Hard Rock
Rocking chairs are not just for grandmother who knit. Sit on his lap and rock as he thrusts.

Play by Play
This is the ultimate crash course on how to please one another. Send your man to the moon and back. Let him watch as you ride your own cosmic wave. Reach orgasm describing the sexual play by play.

STANDING

Dressed to Thrill
Haven’t you always wanted to rip off his shirt like a movie vixen? Give him an old shirt with loose buttons that will fly like confetti. Whip his ass with his own shirt (that’s double naughty) and order him to rip off your clothes. Use the shirt as a sling around his hips to pull him into you.

Up Against the Wall
Load your water pistols and play cop. Whoever is in charge orders the other against the wall, hands up. He may tell you to face the wall and spread your legs wide, angling your ass out to him. Or you may tell him to use the wall as a brace when you mount him, one leg wrapped around his waist.

Quiet Riot
Show your gratitude for that rock concert. Unzip his pants, take his drink, raise your skirt and give him your leg to hold, while he gives you his quiet riot in the concert standing room only.

SIDE BY SIDE

Cloud 9
On a lazy summer day, lead him to the hammock where he can lie on his back and contemplate the sky. After a brief respite of cloud watching, join him naked in the hammock and envelope yourselves in this lovely side by side position as you are suspended from the trees.

The Ugly Chair
You have asked him, begged him, pleaded with him to get rid of that ugly reclining chair. Stop hating the furniture. Turn that recliner into a beautiful sex throne for a sideways position.

BLOW JOB POSITIONS

For The Love of Honey
This is a special move for those times when you want to take him deep in your throat. Lay on the carpeted stairs, sunny side up, head first. When he puts his penis in your mouth in this position, he bypasses the gag reflex.

The Heartbeat BJ
Take his hand in yours and hold your lips to his wrist until you feel his heartbeat in your lips. Kiss him slowly all down his body. As you perform the BJ, keep one hand on his heart.

The Door Jam BJ
Get your man’s guns in shape by giving him a blow job as he’s using one a pull-up bar between the door jams. He does a pull up and wraps his legs around you neck, giving you easy access.

Clean Your Plate
As you’re cleaning up the kitchen together, lick your lips suggestively. While he loads the dishwasher, unzip his pants and begin licking in broad plate-cleaning strokes up and down his cock.

The Glory Hole
Give the glory hole experience for your man in your own makeshift dimly lit strip club. Separated by a sheet with a hole, he watches the silhouette of different dancers (you in different personas) through the makeshift glory hole. When the sees the dancer he likes, he puts his penis through and hopes that she gives him his glory “o.”

HAND JOBS
Ambisextrous
Are you single-handedly making love to your partner? I mean, do you only use your dominant hand during sex? Have fun with this challenging position while you sharpen your skills at the same time.

Romancing the Bone
The movie hand job only works in a near empty theatre (or your home theatre). Choreograph the pace of your stroke to the film. What does a car chase scene feel like? A romantic comedic scene? A horror scene?

The Under the Table Hand Job
You can do this one at an isolated small table or banquette in a very dark restaurant—or at home. Drop your napkin. Unzip his pants on the way back up. While you’re studying your menu, pull out his cock. Play a little, put your hand back on the table, back under—and so forth. The pauses will drive him crazy.

Power Lunch
“Oops you dropped your napkin,” you declare. When he goes to pick it up, he finds you spreading your legs open for him to see—and you’re not wearing panties. As lunch progresses, occasionally reach under the table to stimulate yourself. He won’t be able to take his eyes off your face.

Dancing on The Barstool
He sits facing bar; you sit sideways facing him. He begins “dancing” in his chair in time to the music. You put your hand over his cock (kept inside his pants) and squeeze in time to his dancing. Finish in the rest room or the car.

The Cell Phone Hand Job
Surprise him with a sex toy, the fleshlight, a masturbation sleeve for men. Send him and his fleshlight into another room. Call him on your cell and tell him exactly how to stroke himself.

The Bouncing Ball Hand Job
Ask him to straddle the exercise ball, belly down, leaning forward. He uses his hands to balance the ball while you reach between his body and the ball and give him a hand job

On The Same Channel
Sit down next to him on the sofa when he’s watching TV. Throw one leg over his. Hike your skirt (again, no panties) and play with yourself. He won’t last through the game.

MORE HAPPY ENDINGS

G-Works
Let him watch you shake and shiver in the blissful state of G-Spot stimulation. These different positions all have the same thing in common; they all stimulate the G-Spot.

The Grand Finale
This is the Grand Finale, or tour de sex, that you have both been dreaming about. Twenty four hours of sex, sleeping, sex, eating and sex only. No phones, no television, no computers. Come back to join the world fresh and rejuvenated. Now that’s a vacation!

Win Free Books-Submit Your Best Sex Tip

Today is Sexuality Day! Submit Your Best Sex Tip and have a chance to win FREE Books.

I will randomly choose an entry to receive free autographed copies of Oral Sex She'll Never Forget and Oral Sex He'll Never Forget.

Please send entries to Dr.Sonia@TheHappyEndingsCompany.com

All responses will remain anonymous.

Wishing You a Healthy and Happy Sexuality!
xoxox
Dr. Sonia

Sex Toys, "Hysteria" and Our Sexual History

In 1653 Pieter van Foreest published a medical compendium for an affliction called Hysteria (literally, “womb disease”), which was used to describe a woman’s display of mental or emotional distress. The medical treatment for hysteria was to bring the female to orgasm. [The world is always a little brighter after an "O"]. This treatment was named the “hysterical paroxysm.”

No surprise, hysterical women made up approximately 3/4 of the doctor’s practice.

Bringing a woman to orgasm was a chore no one wanted to do. It involved time and dexterity. Doctors would use the hands of midwives, the strokes of a husband, or anything else that could substitute his own finger.

After several attempts at various mechanical substitutions, a British Physician develops the first electromechanical vibrator in the 1880s. In 1869 an American doctor invented the steam-powered massager. Within 20 years, a British doctor introduced a more portable battery-operated model.

Finally, in 1952, the American Psychiatric Association officially removed hysteroneurasthenic disorders from the disease paradigm. Up until then, hysteria was the most frequently diagnosed disease in history. [I'm feeling a little hysterical. How about you?]

Now, thankfully, you can buy "personal massagers" at Walmart. But how much our fears, attitudes and beliefs regarding sexuality are still rooted in history?

Talking With Your Kids About: Sex

By Dr. Sonia Borg

As a professional speaker for colleges around the country, I speak with students everyday who are dangerously uneducated on sex. Research reveals that by the age of twenty-four, one in three college students will have contracted a sexually transmitted infection and 40% of students who drop out of college do so because of pregnancy. The best place to learn about sex is from our parents.

Why some parents don’t talk to their kids about sex
The concern with many parents is that if they talk about sex with their children, they are condoning the behavior. Research from siecus.org, a sexuality health organization, reports that this is not true. In fact, if you look at sexuality around the globe, you will find that the cultures that talk to their children about sex have lower rates of unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. Some parents are planning to just avoid the sex discussion altogether, but that is equally dangerous because children learn that sex is something not to be discussed, especially with you.

Don’t be so concerned with HOW you talk to your kids. Be more concerned that you do talk with them. Children are okay talking about sex and their bodies. It’s usually the parent that has the problem. A lack of information and acceptance of a natural human response can be linked to sexual dysfunctions, sexually transmitted infections, and unwanted pregnancy.

Explore your own attitudes. Like all other attitudes, our attitude about sex is often inherited. Every parent knows that children do what you do, not what you say. If you have a sex-negative attitude, there is a good chance that your child will too. If an adult believes that their genitals are shameful or disgusting, that is exactly what the child learns. Parents and educators can communicate a “sex-positive” approach by not reacting with shame. Ask yourself if your view of sex is healthy and accurate. Are you satisfied with your sex life? If you answered “no” to any one of these questions, you want to take a closer look and consider consulting with a Clinical Sexologist.

The right time to start talking to kids about sex is when your child can talk which is usually 14 to 20 months of age. At this time, you can teach them the appropriate words for their penis and vulva. Don’t ignore these body parts. Ignoring them suggests that you have a problem.

Seek opportunities. There will be countless opportunities to talk about sexuality. Be ready to answer questions and approach the topic simply but honestly. When children begin to ask questions about their bodies, it is a good opportunity to give them accurate, yet simple information about sex.

Be a good listener. Being a good listener requires a lot of skill including empathy, compassion, attentiveness, and non-judgment. Are you the parent that your child could come to no matter what the situation? If not, become that parent and let it reflect in both your words and actions. This trust and level of support should always be present.

Teach communications skills. Teach communication skills surrounding self-respect and ownership of one’s body. Children need to know that their body and power of choice belongs to them. Never make any child hug, kiss or say something to someone they don’t want to, even if it is family. They should be encouraged to trust their intuition/feelings, and express what they want or don’t want without obligation, shame, or punishment.

Acknowledge. Children should know about the naturalness of sexual activity. Children are naturally impulse orientated and go through periods of being extraverted or inward in a circular developmental process. Parents and educators can take a neutral attitude by acknowledging sexual feelings and behaviors.

Express your own values. It is a parent’s responsibility to express their values about sex. For proper social development, parents and educators should label and relate behaviors to the broader culture. For example, if your child is touching their genitalia, which is completely normal, and your belief is that while their behavior is natural part of their sexual development, it is something to be done in private, tell them.

Be ready for their next stage of development. Children can get frightened and confused by the sudden changes their bodies begin to go through as they reach puberty. To help stop any anxiety, talk with your kids not only about their current stage of development but about the next stage, too. An 8-year-old girl is old enough to learn about menstruation, just as a boy that age is ready to learn how his body will change.

Talk about sexual health and safety. Don’t assume that your child is getting accurate sexual health information. Be proactive and become educated on sexually transmitted infections and how to practice safety, prevent pregnancy and use a condom.

Dr. Sonia Borg, Ph.D., M.P.H, and M.A., is a Certified as a Clinical Sexologist by the American College of Sexologists and a Sex Educator. She speaks about sexual health and awareness to college students across the country and consults with clients remotely and from her office in San Diego. For more information, go to www.TheHappyEndingsCompany.com.

The Spin Cycle BJ: Finally Get Help With Laundry- Sample Chapter

Here is one of my favorite scenes, The Spin Cycle BJ, from Oral Sex He'll Never Forget.

http://www.quaysidepub.com/images/spincyclebj.pdf

Enjoy! If you would like to be inspired with 51 more sexy scene ideas and techniques, purchase your own copy of Oral Sex He'll Never Forget, by clicking on the link to the right.

All the best to a healthy and happy sexuality.

xoxox
Dr. Sonia

Playing With The Balls, Boys, or Twins

“I love getting my balls licked and kissed!” Anonymous

Call it what you will, “boys,” “twins,” but most men love it when you play with their balls. Here are a few of many ways to play:

1. Alternate licks from shaft to balls.
2. Flick your tongue quickly and lightly, almost barely touching them, over his sac.
3. Trace a figure 8 with your tongue over his balls.
4. Gently touch them with your fingertips. Kiss him or put his face next to his so you can hear the “ahh” and “mmmmm.”
5. Put his balls in your mouth one at a time, suck them, while your twirl your tongue around the surface.
6. Glide your tongue up the seam.
7. Humm him. Put your lips to his balls and humm.
8. Hot and cold. Give him treatment by adding temperature to your mouth with hot tea or ice cubes and then sucking on his balls. Do both temperatures in the same night or aprropriate according to the weather. Alcohol adds additional sensations.
9. Run you fingernails over the balls. If you find you are gathering loose skin, play with his balls until a nice scratching surface appears.
10. Gently tug on the balls.
11. If you would like him to climax sooner rather than later, try raising his balls. The balls naturally rise just before ejaculation to help make the journey shorter.
12. Cup them. You can often use your hand or fingers while you cup them. For example, if you insert a finger during anal play, you can cup the balls with the palm of your hand. Or, if you were using the index finger and thumb at the base of the cock as described in “Expose It” from Oral Sex He’ll Never Forget, you can cup the balls in the same hand.
13. Reach between your legs and touch his balls when he is getting you from behind.
14. Use a cock ring. Cock rings temporarily create more sensitivity, intensity and harder erections, and can even help some men delay ejaculation. You can experiment, but cock rings work most effectively when they are secured around the scrotum and the penis.
15. And Many, Many, More Ways To Play
    

"Oral Sex She'll Never Forget:50 Positions and Techniques That Will Make Her Orgasm Like She Never Has Before"....just released

No sex technique says “I love you” quite the way that cunnilingus does.
Oral adoration of her most intimate parts is one of the greatest gifts you can give a woman. Like every gift that will be cherished, it must be right for the recipient and offered from the giver’s heart. A few aimless licks in the hopes of getting something in return will not be considered the gift of cunnilingus here!

Regardless of your position on cunnilingus, most women love it and some can’t climax without it. Cunnilingus is sex and a beautiful form of sex at that. Unlike intercourse, you get to taste, smell, and touch your partner all in the same moment. Like driving a stick shift, cunnilingus is a learned skill; you can learn it, and you can be very, very good at it. I will show you how.

Other books may teach you different tongue and mouth moves, as I do here. My book does more than that! I have created special scenarios that turn cunnilingus into a sex event. You will get ideas of how to sexually connect with a woman starting from “hello” right to orgasm

If you’ve always wanted to be the kind of man who has the power to psychologically arouse their partner and the technical skills to bring her to orgasm, this book is for you. You will get so much from performing cunnilingus, including:

• Increased confidence in your skills as a lover
• Sexual satisfaction (hers and yours)
• Being in your masculine power
• Newly inspired sense of sexual adventure and creativity
• More in tune with her sexual response cycle

And my promise to both you and your lover is this: the relationship will feel new and exciting again.

Each scenario is exciting and creative and will help you master cunnilingus. I’ve organized them into categories, and you’ll find one that suits every erotic mood. In addition, Sex Facts are sprinkled throughout the book and are sure to add to your sexual knowledge. Within the scenarios, you’ll find easy segments, including Perfect the Move, highlighting the special techniques used. The Scenario sets up the creative fantasy that turns this act of cunnilingus into a sex event. Last-Minute Preparations gives you all the little preparatory details. The Technique gives you step-by-step directions from first touch to her orgasm.

And finally, The Sexpert Says gives you useful information based on my own experience, observations as a sexologist, and confessions from clients. The notes here will help you understand how to be playful and sexually adventerous with your woman and give you snapshots of female sexuality, with some insights into male sexuality, too.

There is a cunnilingus scenario here for every mood, from playful to expanding. If you try one and don’t like it, try another . . . and another . . . and another. Adapt, change and modify to make your own. What else compares to the warmth of your breath, the wet sucking of your mouth, the firmness of your tongue? Nothing.

I sincerely hope that my book will give you the tools and inspiration for rocking her erotic world and becoming more expressive and adventurous with her. And I hope that you learn more about your own sexuality and experience the confidence and personal power from a licking well done.

Wishing you a healthy and happy sex life!

xoxox,
Dr. Sonia

Order your copy or just take a peek inside, by clicking on the link to the right.

Wetter is Better

If you have read Oral Sex He’ll Never Forget: 52 Positions and Techniques Guaranteed to Blow Your Man Away, you know that I’m a big fan of lube.

Simply put, wetter is generally better when it comes to sex and that includes intercourse, blow jobs, anal sex and hand jobs. Your saliva works, but let’s face it, sometimes it’s just not enough, especially for the extra long sessions.

In addition to being fun and useful, using a personal lubrication can also be beneficial to your health. Dryness from friction can cause tears in the very sensitive areas of the vagina and the anus, which can be a entry point for infections.

Here is a simple debrief of the different kinds of lubes and their uses:

Water Based Lube: Condom friendly and can come in a variety of flavors, which can be great for oral sex. Water based lubes are very light and easy to clean even from clothing. Get a big bottle and lube up the front of your bodies for some slip-sliding fun.

Silicone Based Lube: A long lasting and super slippery lubrication that works great for sex in the shower, hot tub, or pool because is stays slippery even under water. Silicone lube works well for anal play too. Although the longer lasting formula makes it a little more difficult to wash off.

Jelly Based Lubrication: Jelly based lubes are thicker and great for anal play because it is more solid, more manageable, and moves with you.

I have tried many different kinds of lubes. I liked the JUNTOS line and the company so much, that I became their spokesperson. They are made with the highest quality of ingredients and are Non-greasy, Non-toxic, Fragrance free and made without Parabens or Propylene Glycol.

Here are a few of my favorite JUNTO PRODUCTS:

Natural Moisture Balance & Lubricant: This product feels the closest to natural lubrication than anything else I’ve ever used. It is not “flavored” but has a light sweetness that makes the transition from hand job to blow job much more pleasant. This stuff is GOOD.
http://www.juntoslubricants.com/lubricants-and-vshot/click-to-zoom-natural-moisture-balance-and-lubricant.html

Female Arousal Cream: Not a lube, BUT a very fun accessory to sex play. Can be used on the clitoris, labia and even the nipples to give you a warm and sexy feeling. Use it like lingerie in a bottle, whenever you want to feel sexy and alive. Great for running errands or turning around otherwise boring chores into something more lively.
http://www.juntoslubricants.com/lubricants-and-vshot/feminine-arousal-cream.html

For more information about Dr. Sonia Borg, author, or her work visit TheHappyEndingsCompany.com

The Art and Skill of Being a Good Lover

Is it an art or a skill?

Being a good lover requires both art and skill. However, if I had to narrow it down to one attribute that made my best lovers the best, my great lovers the greatest, it would be how in tuned they were to my sexual response cycle.

They all possessed a general awareness of the human body because the female sexual response cycle is similar to the male sexual response cycle and they all loved sex, whether alone or with a partner.

Whether you are a man or woman, knowing your own sexual response cycle and the cycle of your lover, will help you to know how to adjust pace, speed, rhythm, timing and pressure. You will know when to arouse, penetrate, and when to cuddle. How long should that cuddling be anyways?

Here is a simple version of the sexual response cycle. A more detailed version is in all of my books along with specific moves that work well in each of the phases.

1.) Early Arousal

· Heart rate increases and blood pressure rises

· Body muscles tighten up

· Penis, labia majora, clitoris, and nipples become enlarged and filled with blood

· Testicles rise closer to the body

2.) Increased Arousal

· Breathing deepens, and there may be moaning, gasping, or grunting

· Genitals get larger as they fill with blood

· Perspiration

· Vaginal lubrication

· Pre-cum, appear on the head of his penis

· Muscle tension increases, toes my curl and spasms show on the feet face and hands

· As the genitals swell with blood, they may appear darker

3.) As Orgasm Approaches

· Heart rate, breathing, and blood pressure reach their peak

· Thrusting reaches a peak

· Body flushes which appear like a rash

· Body becomes stiff (generally speaking) and for men ejaculation is inevitable

4.) During Orgasm

· Loss of muscle control

· The penis contracts as he ejaculates

· The uterus contracts

· The contractions may spread throughout the genitals, sphincter, and even into the rest of his body

· Men can orgasm with or without ejaculation

· Some women ejaculate a fluid

5.) After Orgasm (refractory period)

All men and women have a refractory period, the time before they can achieve an erection or orgasm again. The time differs depending on the person.

The better you know your partners genitals and sexual response cycle, the better lover you will be.

Exercise:

Doing this simple but powerful exercise is like giving your lover a class on how to get you off.

Have a mutual masturbation session. While you are stroking yourselves, go through the sexual response cycle sharing where you are on a scale from 1-10. Identify 1 as being early arousal, 10 as being resolution and everything else is in between. After you climax together and are in the post orgasm snuggle, debrief the 1-10 scale by sharing your thoughts, feelings, and moves that you did to yourself during each of the phases; so fun.

Sex as a Metaphor for Life

Is your sex life a metaphor for your life?

Do you have trouble asking for sex? Do you have trouble asking for what you want in life? Is your life a routine? Is sex a routine?

An ongoing longitudinal study at The Institute for The Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, is finding that people tend to keep their same masturbation patterns throughout their entire lives unless they consciously choose to change them.

Is the same true for your life? Do you take the same way to work, solve problems the same way, react to our spouse the same way, or make love the same way, even if it doesn’t provide the best results?

For 2010, change the way you do sex, and change your life.

Sex In The Moment

Many experts, such as Eckhart Tolle, discuss the importance of living in the moment. This philosophy is true for all areas of our life, including sex.

If we are not in the moment, our energies are scattered and we are not using our energies efficiently. If we are not using our energies efficiently, we are not fully giving or experiencing ourselves as the best lovers we can be.

Obsessing over performing sexual techniques correctly, thinking about how your lover hurt you, or worrying about pleasing our lover are all indications that we are not in the moment. These thoughts usually bring up feelings of fear, inadequacy, or sadness. Negative thoughts and feelings are usually the reason for a man’s impotence and a woman not being able to orgasm.

On a subconscious level we all know when someone is not in the moment, but we may not be able to articulate it. Use the negative feelings as an indication that you are not present and do something to shift such as: talking with your lover, consciously putting your problems on hold, focusing on your breath, focusing on the sensations in your body, or listening to their moans of pleasure. Dancing together, or doing a simple lead/follow exercise will help you to get reconnected: simply put your hands together while one person leads the hand backward, forward, up down, and in circles, the other one follows and then you switch.

You and your lover deserve 100% your best sexual energies. If you want to become a better lover, practice being in the moment.

Aren’t you glad you had that orgasm?

I was at the gym the other day and while I was packing my bag a woman asked if I was done with my workout. I explained that I was done, but almost didn’t make it in that day. She told me that there was something known about working out and that was that “once you worked out, you never regretted it.”

I immediately exclaimed that was also true for orgasms as well. Once you had them, you never regretted it! As a wise woman, in her late 70’s, she agreed.

So, the next time you are lying in bed (kitchen, staircase, baseball field, drive thru, bathroom, car, etc.) wondering whether or not you should have that orgasm, I pose the question to you, “have you ever regretted it?”

Are You Being AmbiSEXtrous?

Are you single handedly making love to your partner? I mean, do you only use your dominant hand during sex? Learning to be ambisextrous has its’ benefits. When you touch your lover with a non-dominant hand, you can access different angles and different positions. Every great masturbator knows that the feeling is different if you give yourself a lefty or a righty. I bet your lover knows it too.

Being ambisextrous may also allow for more sexual experiences that would not otherwise happen with dominant handed dependency. For example, let’s say you are out to dinner and you decide to try out one of my sexy under the table scenarios from my book and your lover is seated on the side of your non-dominant hand. Are you going to miss the chance for an erotic experience? I hope not.

Finally, being ambisextrous may increase your learning power. Learning specialists say that if you want to a stimulate the left (logical) side of your brain, you should use your right hand for tasks. Likewise, if you want to stimulate the right (creative,) side of the brain, you should use your left hand for tasks. Now, why shouldn’t those “tasks” be sexual in nature? Gives a whole new meaning to learning, doesn’t it.

So, whether you want to be a better lover or become smarter via sex, I hope you learn to become ambisextrous.

How to Get Your Woman to Have Sex with You Tonight!

By nature, women excel at seeing big picture views. The instant we step in the door we see: the mail on the counter, the crooked pillow, your socks on the floor, dirty dishes in the sink, and the list goes on. It is so distracting to us that we can’t sit down until its done and then there is ALWAYS more. It’s like a traveling itch. You think you got the itch and then it moves, and before you know it you’re cleaning the entire house.

If we do have sex with you when the pillows are crooked, your socks are on the floor and dirty dishes are in the sink, we have to use focus and expend effort to let it all go and be in the moment with you. And by that time, we expended all our precious sex energy by willing the urge to clean out of our minds.

So, if you want your woman to have sex with you tonight you must get the house cleaned!

Here are your options:

1) Do it Yourself! She will be so happy and enthusiastic about your thoughtfulness, she will be hitting you up for sex.

2) Hire a Housekeeper. If you don’t like to clean, or you can’t clean to her specs. then hire a housekeeper. Informal research suggests that men have more and better quality sex on housekeeper day than any other day of the week.

However, the best bet to help ensure that you will have sex with your woman tonight is to:

3) Take Her to a Hotel. Hotels offer room service, house cleaning, and laundry service, which leaves her with a lot of extra energy to have SEX WITH YOU, maybe even multiple times.