Talking With Your Kids About: Sex

By Dr. Sonia Borg

As a professional speaker for colleges around the country, I speak with students everyday who are dangerously uneducated on sex. Research reveals that by the age of twenty-four, one in three college students will have contracted a sexually transmitted infection and 40% of students who drop out of college do so because of pregnancy. The best place to learn about sex is from our parents.

Why some parents don’t talk to their kids about sex
The concern with many parents is that if they talk about sex with their children, they are condoning the behavior. Research from siecus.org, a sexuality health organization, reports that this is not true. In fact, if you look at sexuality around the globe, you will find that the cultures that talk to their children about sex have lower rates of unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. Some parents are planning to just avoid the sex discussion altogether, but that is equally dangerous because children learn that sex is something not to be discussed, especially with you.

Don’t be so concerned with HOW you talk to your kids. Be more concerned that you do talk with them. Children are okay talking about sex and their bodies. It’s usually the parent that has the problem. A lack of information and acceptance of a natural human response can be linked to sexual dysfunctions, sexually transmitted infections, and unwanted pregnancy.

Explore your own attitudes. Like all other attitudes, our attitude about sex is often inherited. Every parent knows that children do what you do, not what you say. If you have a sex-negative attitude, there is a good chance that your child will too. If an adult believes that their genitals are shameful or disgusting, that is exactly what the child learns. Parents and educators can communicate a “sex-positive” approach by not reacting with shame. Ask yourself if your view of sex is healthy and accurate. Are you satisfied with your sex life? If you answered “no” to any one of these questions, you want to take a closer look and consider consulting with a Clinical Sexologist.

The right time to start talking to kids about sex is when your child can talk which is usually 14 to 20 months of age. At this time, you can teach them the appropriate words for their penis and vulva. Don’t ignore these body parts. Ignoring them suggests that you have a problem.

Seek opportunities. There will be countless opportunities to talk about sexuality. Be ready to answer questions and approach the topic simply but honestly. When children begin to ask questions about their bodies, it is a good opportunity to give them accurate, yet simple information about sex.

Be a good listener. Being a good listener requires a lot of skill including empathy, compassion, attentiveness, and non-judgment. Are you the parent that your child could come to no matter what the situation? If not, become that parent and let it reflect in both your words and actions. This trust and level of support should always be present.

Teach communications skills. Teach communication skills surrounding self-respect and ownership of one’s body. Children need to know that their body and power of choice belongs to them. Never make any child hug, kiss or say something to someone they don’t want to, even if it is family. They should be encouraged to trust their intuition/feelings, and express what they want or don’t want without obligation, shame, or punishment.

Acknowledge. Children should know about the naturalness of sexual activity. Children are naturally impulse orientated and go through periods of being extraverted or inward in a circular developmental process. Parents and educators can take a neutral attitude by acknowledging sexual feelings and behaviors.

Express your own values. It is a parent’s responsibility to express their values about sex. For proper social development, parents and educators should label and relate behaviors to the broader culture. For example, if your child is touching their genitalia, which is completely normal, and your belief is that while their behavior is natural part of their sexual development, it is something to be done in private, tell them.

Be ready for their next stage of development. Children can get frightened and confused by the sudden changes their bodies begin to go through as they reach puberty. To help stop any anxiety, talk with your kids not only about their current stage of development but about the next stage, too. An 8-year-old girl is old enough to learn about menstruation, just as a boy that age is ready to learn how his body will change.

Talk about sexual health and safety. Don’t assume that your child is getting accurate sexual health information. Be proactive and become educated on sexually transmitted infections and how to practice safety, prevent pregnancy and use a condom.

Dr. Sonia Borg, Ph.D., M.P.H, and M.A., is a Certified as a Clinical Sexologist by the American College of Sexologists and a Sex Educator. She speaks about sexual health and awareness to college students across the country and consults with clients remotely and from her office in San Diego. For more information, go to www.TheHappyEndingsCompany.com.

The Spin Cycle BJ: Finally Get Help With Laundry- Sample Chapter

Here is one of my favorite scenes, The Spin Cycle BJ, from Oral Sex He'll Never Forget.

http://www.quaysidepub.com/images/spincyclebj.pdf

Enjoy! If you would like to be inspired with 51 more sexy scene ideas and techniques, purchase your own copy of Oral Sex He'll Never Forget, by clicking on the link to the right.

All the best to a healthy and happy sexuality.

xoxox
Dr. Sonia

Playing With The Balls, Boys, or Twins

“I love getting my balls licked and kissed!” Anonymous

Call it what you will, “boys,” “twins,” but most men love it when you play with their balls. Here are a few of many ways to play:

1. Alternate licks from shaft to balls.
2. Flick your tongue quickly and lightly, almost barely touching them, over his sac.
3. Trace a figure 8 with your tongue over his balls.
4. Gently touch them with your fingertips. Kiss him or put his face next to his so you can hear the “ahh” and “mmmmm.”
5. Put his balls in your mouth one at a time, suck them, while your twirl your tongue around the surface.
6. Glide your tongue up the seam.
7. Humm him. Put your lips to his balls and humm.
8. Hot and cold. Give him treatment by adding temperature to your mouth with hot tea or ice cubes and then sucking on his balls. Do both temperatures in the same night or aprropriate according to the weather. Alcohol adds additional sensations.
9. Run you fingernails over the balls. If you find you are gathering loose skin, play with his balls until a nice scratching surface appears.
10. Gently tug on the balls.
11. If you would like him to climax sooner rather than later, try raising his balls. The balls naturally rise just before ejaculation to help make the journey shorter.
12. Cup them. You can often use your hand or fingers while you cup them. For example, if you insert a finger during anal play, you can cup the balls with the palm of your hand. Or, if you were using the index finger and thumb at the base of the cock as described in “Expose It” from Oral Sex He’ll Never Forget, you can cup the balls in the same hand.
13. Reach between your legs and touch his balls when he is getting you from behind.
14. Use a cock ring. Cock rings temporarily create more sensitivity, intensity and harder erections, and can even help some men delay ejaculation. You can experiment, but cock rings work most effectively when they are secured around the scrotum and the penis.
15. And Many, Many, More Ways To Play
    

"Oral Sex She'll Never Forget:50 Positions and Techniques That Will Make Her Orgasm Like She Never Has Before"....just released

No sex technique says “I love you” quite the way that cunnilingus does.
Oral adoration of her most intimate parts is one of the greatest gifts you can give a woman. Like every gift that will be cherished, it must be right for the recipient and offered from the giver’s heart. A few aimless licks in the hopes of getting something in return will not be considered the gift of cunnilingus here!

Regardless of your position on cunnilingus, most women love it and some can’t climax without it. Cunnilingus is sex and a beautiful form of sex at that. Unlike intercourse, you get to taste, smell, and touch your partner all in the same moment. Like driving a stick shift, cunnilingus is a learned skill; you can learn it, and you can be very, very good at it. I will show you how.

Other books may teach you different tongue and mouth moves, as I do here. My book does more than that! I have created special scenarios that turn cunnilingus into a sex event. You will get ideas of how to sexually connect with a woman starting from “hello” right to orgasm

If you’ve always wanted to be the kind of man who has the power to psychologically arouse their partner and the technical skills to bring her to orgasm, this book is for you. You will get so much from performing cunnilingus, including:

• Increased confidence in your skills as a lover
• Sexual satisfaction (hers and yours)
• Being in your masculine power
• Newly inspired sense of sexual adventure and creativity
• More in tune with her sexual response cycle

And my promise to both you and your lover is this: the relationship will feel new and exciting again.

Each scenario is exciting and creative and will help you master cunnilingus. I’ve organized them into categories, and you’ll find one that suits every erotic mood. In addition, Sex Facts are sprinkled throughout the book and are sure to add to your sexual knowledge. Within the scenarios, you’ll find easy segments, including Perfect the Move, highlighting the special techniques used. The Scenario sets up the creative fantasy that turns this act of cunnilingus into a sex event. Last-Minute Preparations gives you all the little preparatory details. The Technique gives you step-by-step directions from first touch to her orgasm.

And finally, The Sexpert Says gives you useful information based on my own experience, observations as a sexologist, and confessions from clients. The notes here will help you understand how to be playful and sexually adventerous with your woman and give you snapshots of female sexuality, with some insights into male sexuality, too.

There is a cunnilingus scenario here for every mood, from playful to expanding. If you try one and don’t like it, try another . . . and another . . . and another. Adapt, change and modify to make your own. What else compares to the warmth of your breath, the wet sucking of your mouth, the firmness of your tongue? Nothing.

I sincerely hope that my book will give you the tools and inspiration for rocking her erotic world and becoming more expressive and adventurous with her. And I hope that you learn more about your own sexuality and experience the confidence and personal power from a licking well done.

Wishing you a healthy and happy sex life!

xoxox,
Dr. Sonia

Order your copy or just take a peek inside, by clicking on the link to the right.

Wetter is Better

If you have read Oral Sex He’ll Never Forget: 52 Positions and Techniques Guaranteed to Blow Your Man Away, you know that I’m a big fan of lube.

Simply put, wetter is generally better when it comes to sex and that includes intercourse, blow jobs, anal sex and hand jobs. Your saliva works, but let’s face it, sometimes it’s just not enough, especially for the extra long sessions.

In addition to being fun and useful, using a personal lubrication can also be beneficial to your health. Dryness from friction can cause tears in the very sensitive areas of the vagina and the anus, which can be a entry point for infections.

Here is a simple debrief of the different kinds of lubes and their uses:

Water Based Lube: Condom friendly and can come in a variety of flavors, which can be great for oral sex. Water based lubes are very light and easy to clean even from clothing. Get a big bottle and lube up the front of your bodies for some slip-sliding fun.

Silicone Based Lube: A long lasting and super slippery lubrication that works great for sex in the shower, hot tub, or pool because is stays slippery even under water. Silicone lube works well for anal play too. Although the longer lasting formula makes it a little more difficult to wash off.

Jelly Based Lubrication: Jelly based lubes are thicker and great for anal play because it is more solid, more manageable, and moves with you.

I have tried many different kinds of lubes. I liked the JUNTOS line and the company so much, that I became their spokesperson. They are made with the highest quality of ingredients and are Non-greasy, Non-toxic, Fragrance free and made without Parabens or Propylene Glycol.

Here are a few of my favorite JUNTO PRODUCTS:

Natural Moisture Balance & Lubricant: This product feels the closest to natural lubrication than anything else I’ve ever used. It is not “flavored” but has a light sweetness that makes the transition from hand job to blow job much more pleasant. This stuff is GOOD.
http://www.juntoslubricants.com/lubricants-and-vshot/click-to-zoom-natural-moisture-balance-and-lubricant.html

Female Arousal Cream: Not a lube, BUT a very fun accessory to sex play. Can be used on the clitoris, labia and even the nipples to give you a warm and sexy feeling. Use it like lingerie in a bottle, whenever you want to feel sexy and alive. Great for running errands or turning around otherwise boring chores into something more lively.
http://www.juntoslubricants.com/lubricants-and-vshot/feminine-arousal-cream.html

For more information about Dr. Sonia Borg, author, or her work visit TheHappyEndingsCompany.com