Is it an art or a skill?
Being a good lover requires both art and skill. However, if I had to narrow it down to one attribute that made my best lovers the best, my great lovers the greatest, it would be how in tuned they were to my sexual response cycle.
They all possessed a general awareness of the human body because the female sexual response cycle is similar to the male sexual response cycle and they all loved sex, whether alone or with a partner.
Whether you are a man or woman, knowing your own sexual response cycle and the cycle of your lover, will help you to know how to adjust pace, speed, rhythm, timing and pressure. You will know when to arouse, penetrate, and when to cuddle. How long should that cuddling be anyways?
Here is a simple version of the sexual response cycle. A more detailed version is in all of my books along with specific moves that work well in each of the phases.
1.) Early Arousal
· Heart rate increases and blood pressure rises
· Body muscles tighten up
· Penis, labia majora, clitoris, and nipples become enlarged and filled with blood
· Testicles rise closer to the body
2.) Increased Arousal
· Breathing deepens, and there may be moaning, gasping, or grunting
· Genitals get larger as they fill with blood
· Vaginal lubrication
· Pre-cum, appear on the head of his penis
· Muscle tension increases, toes my curl and spasms show on the feet face and hands
· As the genitals swell with blood, they may appear darker
3.) As Orgasm Approaches
· Heart rate, breathing, and blood pressure reach their peak
· Thrusting reaches a peak
· Body flushes which appear like a rash
· Body becomes stiff (generally speaking) and for men ejaculation is inevitable
4.) During Orgasm
· Loss of muscle control
· The penis contracts as he ejaculates
· The uterus contracts
· The contractions may spread throughout the genitals, sphincter, and even into the rest of his body
· Men can orgasm with or without ejaculation
· Some women ejaculate a fluid
5.) After Orgasm (refractory period)
All men and women have a refractory period, the time before they can achieve an erection or orgasm again. The time differs depending on the person.
The better you know your partners genitals and sexual response cycle, the better lover you will be.
Doing this simple but powerful exercise is like giving your lover a class on how to get you off.
Have a mutual masturbation session. While you are stroking yourselves, go through the sexual response cycle sharing where you are on a scale from 1-10. Identify 1 as being early arousal, 10 as being resolution and everything else is in between. After you climax together and are in the post orgasm snuggle, debrief the 1-10 scale by sharing your thoughts, feelings, and moves that you did to yourself during each of the phases; so fun.