Tuesday, June 29, 2010
I generally do not use clinical terms when coaching clients because it’s easy to develop anxieties based on the language alone. On a conscious or subconscious level, most of us are already feeling like damaged goods in the sex department.
General Causes of Low Sexual Desire:
Please note that this is just a general guideline.
• Poor Nutrition
• Hormonal Changes
• Poor Health
• Low Self-Esteem/Self-Image
• Poor Body Image
• Lack of Skills
• Lack of Education
• Sexual Guilt/Shame
• Sexual Abuse
• Conflict or Arguing
• Loss of Trust With Partner
• Change in Sexual Identity
Living with low sexual desire may not be a problem for an individual or a couple, especially if both partners are low desire. If it is a concern identified by you or your partner, there is help and there is something you can do.
I believe that if sexual desire is low, it may be an indication that there is an imbalance in the body….in our life. Whether or not people seek help, or balance usually depends on their values and priorities in life.
More on addressing the issue next....
Monday, June 28, 2010
A low sexual desire, or a desire gap between partners is the most common concern that I see from my clients.
Often times we take our sexual desire for granted, but when it's gone, it doesn't go unnoticed by individuals or their partners. It is often misunderstood, but not unnoticed.
How can we not notice? As energetic beings, our sexual energy, is an incredible life force. After all, it is the energy that creates life. The second Chakra, which is the center for our sexual energy, is also the epicenter of our creative energies, self-worth and emotions.
What is Low Sexual Desire?
Low sexual desire is simply described as an absence of sexual fantasies and desire for sexual activity.
Low sexual desire is usually categorized as: 1) Biological/Physical (hormonal changes). Hormonal shifts happen in both men and women and can affect our desire. 2) Emotional/Lifestyle (fatigue, overworking, stress). This is very common in women, but also men as well. 3) Relationship Issues (conflict and arguing). This is where most men tend to loose their desire. Many women don't realize that men need to feel connected to their lover in order to have sex.
Who Does it Affect?
Most people assume that it's women who would be the lower desire partner, but that isn't necessarily the case. Both men and women can experience low sexual desire at some point in their life. Unfortunately, we live in a culture that equates erections with masculinity. The cultural beliefs that men should be ready for sex at any given moment really sets us up for unreal expectations and makes it challenging for some men to seek help or even talk about it with their partners.
Stay tuned for more symptoms and approaches to healing a low sexual desire......
Saturday, June 26, 2010
It is a few hours before their wedding and the beautiful, blushing bride to be takes her man into a vacant room and gives him the best blowjob ever.
The groom returns to his groomsman and claims, “I am the luckiest man on the planet. I can look forward to a lifetime of great sex and blowjobs.”
The bride returns to her bridesmaids and declares, “Ladies, I just gave the last blowjob of my life.”
Men are terrified of a woman changing sexually when they become married. That’s why they make up jokes like this. It’s much easier to laugh about it, than cry.
My male clients tell me, “But she loved sex before I married her. We did it every night, and even in different rooms. Now I’m lucky if I get it once a month.” Or, "I remember blowjobs, when they were beginning to end. Now, it's the 30 second foreplay version. "
It is estimated that 15 to 20% of couples have sex no more than 10 times a year.
Why does this happen? How does this happen? How do I turn it around? Is it only men who have these concerns about women?
I will be discussing these very issues in the next few blogs. Stay tuned…..
Thursday, June 24, 2010
I was interviewed by Cosmo. They wanted to know what John Mayer meant when he said:
“It’s about being obtuse with an angle. Then, I go up and over.”
I wasn't able to get in touch with John, but I'm sure he would appreciate the positions I prepared to add to his repertoire.
Getting into an Obtuse Angle (Assuming You are Not a Ballerina)
Gravity isn't always our friend, but when it comes to sexual positions, it can help us get depth. To get in the obtuse position, use that ugly chair that he loves and you hate to recline yourselves into a 90 degree angle. You may need to place a pillow in the gap of the chair so your body makes a straighter line.
If you don't have a reclining chair, no need to go out and buy one. Simply stack a bunch of pillows in a 90 degree slope against the headboard or up against the wall on the floor. Often times the floor, a firmer surface is best in maintaining balance and getting good leverage for him.
Carpeted stairs often work well too. Bring a pillow or two to put between steps and fill in gaps if needed.
The JM Special
He lays on top, facing her and pulls her bum into himself as he uses the footrest of the reclining ugly chair to push himself up and over. This position is really great for the woman who loves stimulation to the cervix and the man who likes depth.
Both he and she lays on their sides facing each other possibly resting on their elbows. The sidewinder is more like a dance and requires that the couple are in bodily sync. She provides resistance by firming up her body so he can push himself up and over. The sidewinder is great because not only is he achieving depth to the cervix and awakening some new angles and spots, their is easy access to her clitoris.
She lays on her belly and he penetrates her from the rear. He can use the footrest or the floor to go up and over.
If you want more of the steam, and full on scenarios about going obtuse, check out my book "Positions He'll Never Forget."
It happens..... the condom enters the picture and he get's soft.
There are several reasons for this happening, but to start, don't take it personally. Sensitivity is lost while wearing a condom AND sensitivity could be lost with the THOUGHT of wearing a condom. You can show him a new way! The first approach would be to look to increasing arousal in a playful way. If you are currently participating in oral sex with your partner, you may want to try putting on a condom with your mouth.
Here are the simple steps on how to put on a condom with your mouth:
- Put the condom in your mouth between your lips and teeth, with the tip toward the back of your throat. Hold it in place with the tip of your tongue.
- Cover your teeth with your lips. Position the condom over the head of his penis with your lips.
- Now slowly inch by inch unroll the condom over the head. Purse your lips for grip and imagine that they are your fingers to the base of his penis, pursing your lips .
- When you get the condom over the head any point thereafter, you can use your hand to roll down to the base.
- On your way up, provide suction. This move is called Sucking The Mango Fruit. When you get to the top, run your tongue over the head of the penis. The head is the most sensitive part of the penis for most men.
If he starts to get soft with the site of a condom, raise and stroke his balls. Take as much of the penis in your mouth as you can and repeat the sucking as you come up and twirling of the head of the penis as described above.
If you know your lover well, do what he likes to stimulate him. If you don't know what he likes, try mutual masturbation and ask him to articulate it out loud. Pay close attention. You are receiving a crash course in what he likes.
Remember, men love to be acknowledged too. Tell him all the things you love/like about him and how his penis.
If you want to know more about arousal and the entire scenario of putting on a condom with your mouth, see my book "Oral Sex He'll Never Forget."
More about arousal and fun scenarios including mutual masturbation, see "Positions He'll Never Forget."
More in the Yahoo article below:
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Get his rod hot with you in the back seat, legs up in the air and wrapped in the on the go car sling. “The Slinging Dixie” is not the typical do it in the car, sex position. It involves seat belts and lots of outrageous variations that is sure to get you in that playful, adventurous space again.
Think back to the days when you had sex in a car. ……Are you smiling yet? To this day, smell of an old Volkswagon has me grinning from ear to ear. It was probably at a time when you had more time than money and the car was the best place to go. Kind of like a motel on wheels, only cheaper. But wasn’t there something really fun about the way you approached sex back then?
According to the Durex Global Sex Survey, the most common place for adults to have sex outside of the bedroom is in the car (50%).
Have you had sex in a car?